Tale of two turnips: vol. 1


Late into the night in an enclosed room, slithered a lonesome snake with only one thought on his mind. Turnips. He was almost as ravenous as he was slippery. In all of his years (hours) of being alive he has never laid his fangs on anything more scrumptious. There is only one problem that this reptile is facing: competition. The turnips seemed to like his arch-nemesis better than him; they practically rolled up and sang out to him. It was unfair, unjust, traitorous, and madness! No one could love the luscious food nearly as much as he and the plump white turnips knew this well enough.

The turnips are so beautiful and crunchy and pure, this slimy snake knew that he could never blame them for anything, but his enemy is fully deserving of his anger because he is the only other thing for him to be angry at. So the plan is set; a deep apology is made to all the precious turnips before his devious actions take place. He is going to soak the turnips in the bitter vinegar and ensure that his nemesis grows to hate turnips.

Before each turnip is soaked in the rancid liquid, a gentle kiss is placed on the crown of their heads to ensure that they would forgive him. Strategically, the snake slithers the turnips in place and ensures they do not look suspicious. As the plan comes together, the snake gets more pleased with his work and decides to go to sleep and see if  his mortal enemy takes the bait.

After a long peaceful night, the snake slides out of his den and makes his way towards his trap; he notices there are two missing turnips and one with a bite taken out of it. The trap was a success! His nemesis had not eaten all of the turnips! But he knew he could not rejoice yet.

Sneaking up to his enemy, the snake offered him a turnip, “I have a spare, if you want,” he utters deviously. To which his enemy vehemently denied and ensured he thinks he ate too many and now they taste funny.

Mission success.