It was a cold, dark evening in 2008, when Connor Sterling went to see the newly released, critically acclaimed film, “Marley and Me.” He bought a ticket, and walked into the theater before grabbing a seat. He then proceeded to watch the entire film. After the credits rolled, Connor left the theater with a sour taste in his mouth. He wasn’t satisfied with the ending– he needed more.
Connor used his super awesome hacking skills to track the movie’s big star, Marley, down. It turned out Marley was in Russia. Connor was curious as to what an American dog would be doing in Russia, but he figured he should ask questions later. After a brief 20 minute jog, Connor arrived at Marley’s location. He was talking to a mysterious man in a trench coat. Connor quickly approached the man, only to realize it was actually just a statue.
Marley gave a slow clap as Connor turned to face the beast. “What are these foolish tricks of yours, Marley!” Connor screamed.
“Well, I needed to get you to Russia, and quickly, so I devised a plan,” Marley replied. “You see, I made ‘Marley and M’e with the sole intention of making an ending you would find underwhelming. Then, I paid off the media to write five-star reviews left and right. Finally, I came to Russia, knowing you would track my location with your super awesome hacking skills.”
“But, why?” Connor asked. Suddenly, a bag was placed over Connor’s head, and he was shoved into a white van. It drove for quite some distance before finally stopping. Connor was suddenly thrown out of the van, onto the cold, hard ground.
“Look what we have here,” said Mark Zuckerberg. “Connor finally slipped up, and fell right into my clutches!”
Connor knew he needed a plan to escape before Mark could turn him into a lizard.
With his quick thinking and sharp wits, Connor spotted an envelope sitting on a nearby counter. After Mark went to the bathroom, he got up and lunged for it. It was Mark’s taxes! Connor quickly ripped them to shreds before using his robotic arm to call the IRS. “I believe I caught Mark Zuckerberg committing tax evasion!”
Seconds later, the IRS kicked the door in, and took Mark away in handcuffs. “Great job kid,” said Ryan Reynolds, the head of the IRS at the time. “We’d like to offer you a job.”
From that day on, Connor Sterling has been working for the IRS, and stopping tax crimes all over the world.
