On the cold, wet morning of March 5, 2025, a man was heavily contemplating not paying his taxes. He had a lot on his plate. He had student loan debts, and groceries were more expensive than ever. He figured that not paying his taxes for one month would more than likely fly under the IRS’s radar, and he would get away Scot-free. Little did the man know, the IRS would absolutely notice, and they would send their best agent to handle him.

Connor Sterling received a call at 2:37 a.m. It was from the president himself. Connor jolted out of bed, and immediately grabbed his phone from the nightstand. “Hello, Mr. President,” Connor said, hoping Trump wouldn’t be angry he hadn’t picked up right away.

“Connor,” said Trump, “a man from Cleveland, Ohio, has not paid his taxes, and we need you to fix that.”

Connor agreed to the perilous task, and hopped in his Ferrari and sped away.

Two minutes later, Connor arrived in Cleveland. He had only just realized that President Trump never gave him an address, or a name for that matter. It looked like he would have to take matters into his own hands. Connor pulled out a magical GPS tax device, and it led him to the tax evader’s home. Connor kicked the door down, and sitting on the couch was no other than…

…Joe Rogan. Connor cried in an outrage, “How could  you not pay your taxes, Joe Rogan?”

Joe promptly responded with, “Wait, it wasn’t me!”

“Then who is it!” Connor boomed. “Well, the only other person here is…

…Mr. Beast!”  As these words left Joe’s mouth, Jimmy Donaldson came out of the restroom, notably without washing his hands. At the sight of his arch nemesis, Connor’s jaw dropped to the floor.

“Wait, I can explain!” cried Jimmy.

“It’s too late for you!”  Conner roared. Just then, Jimmy hit a red button which detonated the home. It was a trap! Joe Rogan was just a mannequin and Jimmy was nothing more than a paid actor.

“The rich get away with tax evasion once more!” Connor cried into the sky, still shaken from the blast.

Just then, Connor got a call from Donald Trump. Not making the same  mistake twice, he immediately answered the phone. “Seems like you have fell for the bait,”   Trump said in an eerie voice. “There never was any tax evasion, or Joe Rogan, or Mr. Beast for that matter. This was a trap to get you out of the state while everyone overthrows the IRS.”

“But why would you do this, Mr. President?”

“That’s because I’m actually Marley from the hit movie ‘Marley and Me’!” Marley laughed.

“After ‘Marley and Me,’ I haven’t been in any movies, so I needed to think of a way to get money fast. Then, it hit me. If everyone stops paying taxes, they would have more money for me!”

“You will not get away with this!” Connor cried.

“I already have,” Marley said before hanging up the phone. Connor had to think of a plan, and fast. Luckily, with his quick thinking, he realized if he could take Marley down, everyone would pay their taxes once more.

Connor flew his private jet back to Corry and laid out a trap to capture Marley. He set dog treats under a net, and waited in a nearby bush. Sure enough, Marley came soaring down the road at the scent of the treats. The net fell, capturing Marley. Using his smarts once more, Connor thought of a way to end Marley once and for all. Since Marley gets euthanized at the end of Marley and Me, Connor just had to recreate the film.

It took them five minutes to recreate the film. They had finally made it to the scene in which Marley would be euthanized. Connor himself took the needle, and tried to stick it in Marley’s neck. It was only at this moment that everyone realized it wasn’t Marley at all. It was instead a block of wood. The real Marley was giving a speech to try and form a communistic society, and overthrow the government.

Even though Connor was the IRS’s best agent, he knew he couldn’t stop Marley alone. He needed help.  He called his good friends George Washington and Thomas Jefferson to come teach people the importance of a democracy. About three seconds later, they arrived.

“We finally decided to join your side Marley,” Connor said in a sincere voice. “Yes, we’d love to give a speech about communism for you Mr. Marley,” Thomas Jefferson said.

“Sure!” Marley replied in an enthusiastic voice. Thomas and George took the stage, and told the greatest tale ever. It inspired the people, and convinced them that a democracy is what America must be. Everyone grabbed pitchforks and torches from the nearby vendor and chased Marley out of town.

The next morning, Connor got a call from President Trump. He was told to meet him by the city hall. After getting dressed and eating breakfast, Connor set out for the meeting place. “What could Trump possibly want from me?”  Connor pondered as he strolled down the sidewalk. When he finally arrived, Connor was greeted by a crowd of cheering Americans. They shouted Connor’s name, and asked him for autographs. When everyone got settled down, Trump had an important announcement to make.

“I will be making Connor Sterling the official President of the United States of America!” Cheers flooded the eardrums of everyone within a 16 mile radius.

“I cannot accept this position,” Connor said to Trump. “If I leave the IRS, who will stop Marley from returning? Who will stop tax fraud and tax evasion?”

“Leave that to us,” two mysterious voices said in perfect unison. Out from the crowd stepped Joe Rogan and Mr. Beast. “We heard about your grand adventure, and we wanted to help stop tax crimes throughout the country.”

Connor, knowing he still wanted to work for the IRS said, “I cannot leave the IRS! They are my family!”

“You can work for the IRS, and be President,”  Trump said reassuringly. Now armed with this knowledge Connor graciously accepted his position, and began writing laws to stop tax evasion once and for all.