The wind blows through my brown hair while the tips of the flowers brush my arm. The sun was beaming down on me like I was being interrogated, but the warmth made it all feel so safe, just like how my mother used to make me feel. That was a long time ago, though, wasn’t it? I never met my dad, but sometimes it still felt like something in me was missing. A part of knowing who I was. I lay there in the field of flowers, all calm and warm, how long can something feel so blissful without interruption. My phone buzzed on the ground. Apparently pure enjoyment can’t last very long. My best friend had texted me earlier that day asking if I was free, what if I never wanted to be free? What if I always wanted to lay here? Never leave.
Anica: “Where are you? The guys wanna head to a local concert.”
Me: “Can you give me 15 minutes? I’m not really near my house right now.
Anica: “OK weirdo, just hurry up PLEASE!”
Anica is the kind of best friend who always wants a plan for her free time. She’s sweet and outgoing, sometimes a little too outgoing, but we’ve been best friends since kindergarten. We may be complete opposites, but she’s always there. She was there for all of my lows. She has always been my light. If there was anything I could do to repay her, like going to every event she plans after school, then I would do it with a smile. I don’t really wanna haul myself up to go to a concert, it could be good though. School has been extra stressful, I blame that on my teacher. She’s made it her absolute mission to make my life a little extra hard recently.
I did it, I got up. The breeze slowed and it got excruciatingly hot. There was a fire in my head raging a war within me. I was almost back to my house when I started seeing little dots in my vision. Had it been like this the whole time. Why was I just now noticing how nauseated I felt. I had reached the back porch steps, but not without missing the first step up. Holding onto the rail I hear my mother rush down the stairs with worry in her voice. I wasn’t completely lucid, but I could hear everything going on. My mom got me the rest of the way up the porch and into the living room. One minute I lay in a flower field full of peace, and the next on an old couch that I used to spend my days on. Recovering from surgery, in pain once again.
Anica walked in through the door with the guys unknowing of what was going on. When she turned the corner she quickly turned to my mom and exclaimed, “I’m gonna call 911, okay! Sage, hold in there. I’m gonna take the guys out!”
I wasn’t really sure how the time was passing. I could see the lights shifting from blue to red and the people around me trying to get me stable, but then it all went black. When I woke up I immediately knew where I was. I had spent months here, if not most of my middle school to high school life. The hospital, the place where everything was dull and dreading, but somehow stories about inspiring miracles came out of the same place. In the corner I could see my mom standing waiting for news, and right beside me like always was my best friend. I didn’t even realize the two guys sitting on the couch.
“I though you took them home Anica. This is kind of embarrassing?” I said with a little strain in my voice.
“It was Dylan who mentioned that I didn’t drop them off. He felt that maybe all of us coming would make you feel less worried,” Anica stressed her words, “He also said that he loves the hospitals lime jello. A little weird don’t you think?”
I hadn’t really gotten to know Dylan very well. He’s nice but most the time he’s quiet and pensive. He had an oddly brown but still blonde hair with deep blue eyes. Anica and I haven’t really ever been around him but because she was dating his best friend, Noah, there was no escaping the fact that he’d be around. Just when I was about to close my eyes the doctor walked in and my mother shot up a look of despair in question to understand just what the situation was.
The doctor gave an unpleasant look in my direction, “Sage, it’s very nice to see you again but I wish it wasn’t under this circumstance. You’re body has had a relapse.”
My mother butted in, “What does that mean exactly? She was just fine today. She wasn’t tired. She’s been taking her vitamins and medications. We’ve been staying on top of it all.”
“That’s very good but what this means is that the stress on her body has caught up and unfortunately your daughter is experiencing an unexpected stress relapse. It’s not very often that this happens but because of the clear signs of it, we have caught it early,” Dr. Wilson said this with a tone of hope, but I knew what this meant. I knew exactly what was about to happen.
“So what does this mean for my daughter?” My mother wasn’t one to catch on to things very quickly, but I was. I knew.
Dr. Wilson looked at me and I wished with all my heart that he wouldn’t say what he did next.
He broke the air in the room with his words. “Sage, I’m sorry to inform you that unfortunately you’re cancer is back.”
There it was. I knew what was going on, but he actually said it out loud. Everything went quiet again. It was back. In that moment I closed my eyes and envisioned the beautiful flowers flowing like waves while I watched the clouds dance in the sky, feeling the warm breeze brush across my face. It was then that I felt the most peace, and I never wanted to leave that.
