The stolen sentient broccoli, a fictional tale


Tony Kerr, Reporter

A superhero with random inconvenient powers began his journey home from the superhero training academy. He lived in a secret underground hideout. It was quite spacious and had many rooms for his random experiments, which were often considered unhelpful. His fascination for his experiments came from his day-to-day varying powers. Every day he would find himself with different powers from the day before. This made his time at the superhero training academy quite difficult as there was never a repeated power or even anything similar.

One day in particular he found himself able to see sound. This was frustrating because any time someone made a sound he could see the vibration bounce off the walls and move through the air. The vibrations looked very similar to heat radiating from a hot car. After his school-like schedule for the day at the training academy he walked home; everything was kind of blurry on his trip, however. Because all his steps made sounds, he could see them moving through the air and it seemed to go on almost forever. He could not escape his power, so he decided to cut his day short and go to bed early with no experiments, partly because he couldn’t think of any.

He woke up the next morning with seemingly nothing special at first. Until he noticed his living room and kitchen was completely trashed. So he decided to investigate, he searched his kitchen cabinets, behind the television, and even under his couch pillows. He found no explainable reason for his home to have been such a mess. None of his experiments had ever resulted in anything living, so there was no chance that anything could have escaped. In his final attempt at solving the mystery, he looked to find a monster under his bed.

Well not very monster like, it definitely gave him a surprise. There was a giant piece of broccoli under his bed… but it seemed to be breathing and maybe even scared. He originally thought he was just imagining things, so he decided to take a nap. He was tired after all the searching he had done that day. He woke up the next day just to eat breakfast. He was still rather tired, so he contemplated going back to bed but decided to stay awake and find out what his power of the day was. Oddly he once again found nothing special that he could do beyond the normal.

Later he decided to check under his bed again just to make sure he was actually just imagining things before. He determined that he was not. There was a living piece of broccoli under his bed. So he reached for it to get a better look… and it bit his finger off. Luckily it was one of his fingers he had already lost due to some of his previous rather unfortunate experiments. He went to his bathroom to get one of his replacement fingers. While doing so he grabbed a broom to use as a weapon.

He headed back to his bedroom and immediately flipped his bed over to trap it on the other side of the room. Then he got ready to fight it off with his broom… when it started crying. He did not expect that, so he waited a second to see if it was faking before dropping his guard. The broccoli did not stop, however, so he began trying to comfort it. Afterwards it seemed to have some trust towards him. He fixed his room back to the way it should be, then started to make breakfast so he could get to the superhero training academy. He decided it was best if he left the broccoli at his hideout.

While he was leaving, a well-revered man of the community saw him put the key to the hideout under a nearby flower bush. After waiting a few minutes the man decided to take a look around. Quickly to not look suspicious, he grabbed the key and got into the hideout. Taking a look around the man did not see anything to crazy out of the ordinary considering the superhero’s reputation in the community.

The man heard a scream coming from the bedroom, and what he saw terrified him. Not wanting to stick around and get caught snooping, the man grabbed the broccoli and ran for the door. The man ran quite a distance into the woods before the broccoli was able to get out of his grip. The man tried to recapture the broccoli but failed to do so as the broccoli reacted to quickly.

But before anything else could be done, the Earth was totally destroyed.